Writing About Real Life

I’ve veered away from writing about real life most of the time. Mainly because for me, it’s too personal. That’s not to say I haven’t taken inspiration from real life events and included that in my stories - of course I have. But I have never attempted to write my own life story - or anyone else’s for that matter.

Over the last few months though, I have been helping another author to edit their memoir. As it is a very personal and often painful venture for them, forgive me if I don’t go into too much detail about their life. What I want to focus on instead are the most important things I’ve had to do as a supporting author/editor in order to help the story of the life they’ve lived become a book.

Get on with each other.

We were strangers initially - I had been approached by a third party who knew I wrote to see if I could help with this particular project. When I said yes, I think we were both very cautious on first meeting each other, but over time we have ‘clicked’, and as we work through the memories, it is uncanny how many life experiences we share. I feel as if I know the author very well, having had the privilege to read about the events that shaped them and spend time with them. And, I hope, I am seen as a friend to them.

Boost confidence.

The author had tried so hard over so many years to piece their story together, but it was overwhelming them. They felt like giving up, but wanted it finished, and unfortunately the friends who had helped so far were unable to continue to offer support. The doubt demons were very present - would anyone want to know about their life? Was it self-indulgent? Were they wasting their time? With my editor head on, I could say, truthfully, that no, they weren’t wasting their time. And writers write for many reasons - in this case, it has been carthartic for the author to relate their history, and it speaks very much of hope, even in the darkest of times. They had come too far to give up - I would help them reach their goal.

Find - and honour - the right voice.

It’s tempting, as an author, to want to alter what someone else has written to the way you would have expressed it. One of the issues we had initially is that the author had written up a series of informal journal entries. As many novice authors come to realise, sometimes we can try too hard to make our writing sound ‘proper’. As we got to know each other and talk more, I realised that the author had a distinct voice, as explanations were often given in a much less formal style, but still very much their own. I had to work very carefully to retain this other voice, trying not overstep and replace it with my own.

Talking helps the writing.

After an initial edit, to make the material look more like a book and less like journal entries, I realised that it was still pretty overwhelming to ask the author to go through and accept all the changes I had made. So we hit upon the idea of meeting pretty much weekly, to run through pages of the first edited version and give me a chance to clarify points I’d raised. It was a lot easier to do, because I could check with the author immediately and add their replies to a separate version of the manuscript on my computer. We literally sat side-by-side in the office, scrolling through and cross-referencing their notes and responses to my queries to add to the master version. It took up a lot more time, but I don’t begrudge that - I’m invested in the author and their story, and I want to see them succeed in their ambition to publish.

Respect, don’t judge.

I view it as a complete honour and privilege to have been trusted with helping to tell a life story. As you might expect, it is not an easy read at times - life isn’t always easy! It would be all too easy to judge certain experiences which have been recounted, to point a finger of blame or reveal your own view as to the matter. What I have tried really hard to do is respect that this is a person’s lived experience, and they are expressing it in the best way they can. I need to honour their truth, whatever I may feel personally about the situation.

Protect your own mental health.

I’ll be honest - this has been harder than I thought it would be, and I have found that I can only work on this project for short periods of time. From a practical point of view, I’m constantly thinking ‘Is this how the author would express that? Does it sound like them, or like me?’ And there has been an unexpected emotional toll, due to certain subject matters - I tend to be a person who feels the distress of others very keenly, and hearing about certain aspects of this particular life lived is no different.

So…

This particular project has been a steep learning curve for me, but one I have very much valued. Just when I thought I wasn’t too bad at this editing lark and working with other authors to help them make their writing the best it can be, I discover a whole new facet of the job. One I hope that will do justice to the real life story that is waiting to be told.

Would I do it again for someone else? Yes, I think so. If they really needed my help, and providing I could connect with the author in such a way and so closely that I could find their voice in their story. I mean, I spend a lot of my normal writing time getting into the heads of imaginary characters and listening to what they have to tell me about their adventures. With memoir, I have to get into the head of a real person, listen very carefully to what they are telling me, and not be tempted to change the story to how I want it to be!

Would I actively seek to offer support a memoirist again? Probably not, if I’m honest. Not now that I’m more aware of the time it takes, of the emotional effects I’m likely to experience, and of my own attitude to dealing with subjects far outside of my comfort zone. If it happens by chance - or, as in this case, by God-incidence - I won’t turn someone in need away.

We are almost at the end of the project, and I shall miss it when we finish. But I shall also have a little warm glow inside that I helped another author to realise their dream.